I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
