so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i believe in u and ur pee
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
