It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
