but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Come share oat with me in your robe
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
