Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
