Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Ketchup is God's man juice
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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