You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize