Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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