There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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