I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
