K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
They should really pass out barf bags in church
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize