Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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