ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
