youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
it glows. i had to have it.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
