he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We left the knife in your bed.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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