You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
