I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
