Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
