we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I have aggressive nipples.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
