I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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