I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Dignity is for republicans.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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