She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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