but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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