Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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