as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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