Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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