Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
