One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
