He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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