I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
