I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize