Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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