My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
