If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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