Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
