I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Send help, water and tortillas.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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