Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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