HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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