If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
