he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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