i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize