Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
