my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
