so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
