The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize