i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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