Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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