shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
