I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
