When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
