it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
