We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
