I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize