This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
