Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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