it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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