peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
