So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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