I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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