Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize