I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
