i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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