so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
