for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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