She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
