I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
