sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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