I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
