Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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