Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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