we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
