Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
