On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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