I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
