oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
