New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
