We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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