Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize