There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize