there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
