I heard we made out
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
