Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
