Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
FUCK WHALES
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
