Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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