Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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