i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
