R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
