Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
it glows. i had to have it.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
