YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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