my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
