so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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