You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
can u get pink eye on your cock?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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