I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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