apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize