Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
