i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
