Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
