The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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