Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
